The Family System in Islam: An Introduction
Islam is not just a religion but a complete way of life. Most people, especially non-Muslims, only know of the restrictions that Islam imposes. Additionally, they may only have heard of concepts such as jihad or Sharia.
Unfortunately, Western media has played a vast role in demonizing Islam and prejudicing people against it over the past decades.
In reality, Islam places great importance on the role of family in society. The family is an institution in Islam. It influences an individual greatly, and its central role is to produce well-settled individuals of sound minds who can contribute to making their surroundings a morally aware and ideal Islamic society.
To begin this article, we must understand the building block of family: the marriage.
Marriage in Islam: A Social Contract
Islam stresses that individuals marry at the right time and age. The Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) said:
“Whoever marries has achieved one-half of one's religion.”
This hadith shows the importance of beginning a family because marriage allows people to find love, mercy, and companionship, brings families together, and starts new families.
Why is Nikkah a contract?
The Arabic word for marriage is Nikkah, used in the Quran, and Sunnah, which means ‘aqd, or contract. In the Quran, marriage has been called Mithaqan ghaliza: a firm covenant.
This clearly shows us that marriage is a social contract, albeit a noble and sacred one. It helps establish several relationships and specifies mutual rights and obligations.
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
The Nikah, once established, leads to new family relations and ties. The Muslim family is not nuclear, consisting only of a couple and their children. It can consist of up to 3 generations of relatives.
The Family Structure in Islam
The structure of the Muslim family is extended and not nuclear. It often spans 3 or more generations: the husband, the wife, their children, and their parents who live with them. This is the closest and most important family unit.
The next group consists of brothers and sisters, who are mahrams and can move freely in each other’s homes. They make up the family’s heart, sharing each other’s joys, griefs, hopes, and fears. They include:
- (a) father, mother, grandfather, grandmother
- (b) direct descendants, that is, sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters
- (c) relations of the second degree (such as brothers, sisters, and their descendants).
- (d) father’s or mother’s sisters (not their daughter or other descendants).
In Muslim families, respect and regard increase with age. parents are respected for their life experiences and sacrifices made within the family. The opportunity to care for one’s parents in their old age is viewed as a gift from Allah.
Allah says in the Quran:
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.” (Surah al-Isra, v: 23-24)
What are the benefits of the family structure in Islam?
The extended family structure has many benefits, including strength, consistency, and physical and psychological support, especially in times of need. It also provides economic stability to all the members. It ensures the development of a sound moral compass in individuals and an understanding of ethics related to the various walks of life.
The family unit also helps to provide emotional and spiritual companionship between the spouses and fosters love, kindness, and generosity for all members.
So important is the family unit in Islam that the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) once said:
Abdullah ibn Amr reported the Messenger of Allah (s) said to him, “I am told you fast and never break your fast and you never stop praying at night? Fast and break your fast, pray at night and sleep. Verily, your eyes have a right over you, your own self has a right over you, and your family has a right over you.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1876)
What is the Importance of Family Values in Islam?
The family unit is the cornerstone of society in Islam. But unfortunately, all around us, a cultural crisis is unfolding, and the foundations of this cornerstone are in danger. We must pause and examine why and how the family unit is disintegrating.
Broken and dysfunctional families are spreading rapidly to all corners of the world, and the victims are not only the couple involved but children and older people, too.
What is the root cause of it all? Unfortunately, the problem starts at home. We have drifted away from Islam, and in the race to earn more, spend more, and fulfill all our worldly desires, we have overlooked the teachings of Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) and the commands of Allah.
How are Gender Roles Important to Family Values?
Islam reinforces the idea that the genders have been differentiated by Allah so that they may complement each other. Both males and females are different in their roles, but equally important as individuals and to the family.
The Role of Men in the Family
The role of the man in the family lies primarily outside the family. He must earn to support the family economically and care for his family and the extended family. He is the head of the family because he has an administrative role.
The Role of Women in the Family
The primary role of the woman is within the household. When both males and females work together to maintain a sound-running household, this leads to a well-settled Muslim family.
Allah says in the Quran:
"And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them according to what is equitable, and men have a degree (of advantage) over them, Allah is Mighty, Wise."
The ideal Muslim family unit can be achieved when both spouses understand, respect, and give importance to each other’s roles and are not involved in a marital competition to prove superiority.
Islam has granted each family member a vital role. Parents must care for their children and give them an Islamic upbringing; children are to listen, obey, and respect the rights of both their parents based on love and respect.
Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) said about gender roles in the family:
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The man is the shepherd of his family and he is responsible for his flock. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. The servant is a shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said, I heard this from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829)
Conclusion
Establishing the Nikkah as a contract and the importance of family life in Islam all lead us to one conclusion: Islam wants to establish a society with high moral awareness, strong commitment to the Deen, and ease of implementing the Islamic way of life.
The Quran presents the family as an environment where spouses can live together based on compassion and love. The family is the basic institution for protecting the next generation and preventing illegitimate relationships.
May Allah grant us all loving, understanding, and merciful families! Ameen!
FAQ’s
Can you cut ties with your family in Islam?
No, cutting family ties is highly discouraged in Islam. It is considered one of the major sins to sever relations with your family. Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) said:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship” (Bukhari)
Will we meet our family in heaven?
Allah promises in the Quran:
“And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything”
[at-Toor 52:21].
This verse promises the righteous believers that Allah will allow their children to join him in Paradise by increasing their good deeds solely for the believers’ happiness.
Is family planning allowed in Islam?
Family planning is allowed in Islam. Islam allows couples to space their pregnancies or limit the number of children they have. Most scholars agree that family planning is allowed in Islam.
